Playing the part to seem normal

Back in my teen years I was relatively quiet, I kept to myself during school save for a few friends. It was a rare occasion I would raise my hand and participate in anything or even give two shits for that matter. If I did participate it was only because of maybe a project or something that had to be presented majority of the time, I can recount the times I would be scared to stand up because I always felt like things would go sour. I remember my palms getting sweaty when being called on to present my projects, in my head the others were laughing but it was the Schizophrenia messing with me. On certain days I would try to be as what I thought would be “normal” as possible out of fear that I would be made fun of for my condition if anyone found out. It got a few questions in relation to if I was feeling alright but it was just my friends that I hung with on a daily basis at school. To feel like I needed to change myself was a tough decision but it seemed like a proper idea for the most part, I did start to feel like it was a waste of time and eventually needed to accept what was going on with me but I struggled and needed some guidance from similar folks.