Empty shell

I took a quick break for the holiday so that I could rejuvenate and come here with something a little lighter to give you all so you could enjoy but instead I don’t have anything to give except my sorry sad self. I don’t feel good about myself or anything for that matter and right about now I don’t care to feel any better, remember my last post about how I said something might be happening that’s not good? Well it happened and I’m not surprised one bit because that’s usually how it goes when it comes to that part of my life so I’m not all that surprised, I’m more disappointed than anything especially because it seemed like a sure thing but I should’ve known better. I don’t have the slightest bit of happiness right now and I’m not gonna try and make the most out of it and force myself to be happy, I feel like I should stop breathing and let go, I feel like everyone can smile except me. I’m at a limit of what I can handle and I’m just ready to throw in the towel and leave everything behind, it’ll be someone else’s problem and at least I’ll have some peace of mind. I know it’s not ok to think that way but I’m not feeling great so it’s all I got at the moment, I know this wasn’t something anyone wanted to read but this is my blog and this is what I’m feeling right now. I could’ve lied to everyone and made some random shit up but that’s not what I do and I damn sure won’t do that to the person who believes in me to do great things with this blog and gave me this opportunity to tell my story. I love her dearly and too much to just throw this away, I wanna feel happy at some point but right about now that won’t happen and it’s gonna take awhile if I’m gonna recover at all. I hate this feeling and I should hate a lot of things that caused this but I’m not gonna go down that road for safety reasons for me and that situation. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t around…